English in the dock:

   A courtroom drama:

   The murder of the English 

   Language,

   or the Accusative Case

 

PROSECUTOR:  Are you Very Quickly, Adverbial Phrase?

ACCUSED: I am.

PROSECUTOR: Very Quickly, you are accused of splitting an infinitive. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?

ACCUSED: Not guilty, not guilty.

P: A double negative …  Then how would you explain your past imperfect?

A: I was going through an awkward phrase. There’s no substantive proof. Now and then I just colon friends for a quick imperative before lunch.

P: Is that all?

A: Well, no. There is rather a pretty feminine gender in the case, a Miss Pronunciation, who lives in Suffix with her grammar and grampa.

P: When was your first dative?

A: I met her at a participle. There she was supining in a passive mood; she’s superlative, absolutely pluperfect.

P: Mr Quickly, would I be correct in this preposition that you were aiming at an unlawful conjugation with this feminine gender? Answer the interrogative – how far did you get?

A: I made a pause at her, but she declined. She said her parentheses would object.  Anyway, she’s about to become a noun.

P: Was this neuter you?

A: Affirmative.

P: Thank you. What nationality is she?

A: Italic.

P: Mr Quickly, you’re in quite a predicate I can tell you. Officer, put him in brackets. You are also accused of, evasion of syntax. Off with his prefix!

Adapted from BBC Radio – many years ago.